Happy birthday

when this entry comes out, it will be my birthday.

i am now 17 years old. i hope people didn't think i was any older than that.

i'm happy of how far i've come in life. recently graduated and instantly off to college to pursue a career that might change the way i think.

there's several caveats though, i still have to assume more responsibility towards myself. my phone broke down again recently and it won't power on anymore, my headphones are starting to break since one side is now louder than the other, my sleep is pretty bad and i have a terrible headache.

i'm probably gonna get new headphones today.

i don't know when i'll get a new phone. i don't want to have suddenly lost 3 years worth of data.

i like having fun and playing with my friends, it's been a good pastime. i enjoy going on a call with them and talking to them in general. i have good friends. i hope for a lot of birthday wishes, even if some people aren't very fond of me.

i've only recently come to realize that people actually enjoy the work i put out, i always thought everyone just wanted to be nice. i'm glad people enjoy my work.

you know? 17 years of life and i'm still not really sure what's wrong with me. i haven't ever been diagnosed, i've probably lost a lot friendships because of my behavior. behavior that i won't understand anytime soon.

i can manage to control myself at times but eventually it'll still be as erratic as it always is. people say i have more of a "composure" but i just don't really see that, i can LOOK like i have composure but not actually have it.

though, i'm really glad to have friends that still stick around with me. friends that stick around with who i actually am.

and even i don't know what i am!

this should not be an extremely serious entry but i don't know how to write out this retrospective otherwise.

thanks for being here. thanks for bearing with me.

thanks for reading.